i hate it when i gotta look fine, but inside im just dying, and it just hurts knowing i have to smile even when im feeling down, its so sad i cant even show people how i really feel :(

i dont know what happened today, i dont know what i was doing, i dont know anything. im sorry the chingay people who were around, i didnt mean to make you guys wait for such a long time, and i didnt know it'd make you so upset that i came. whatever, i left anyway. yirong, thanks for telling me to go, i really wouldnt have been able to make up my mind to leave if not for you (: im sorry little kid for pangseh-ing you, it was to make everyone else happy. what you said to me was true (i died at home) but not that you care you were having a BALL of a time :D its good you had fun in the end, but hey every man for his own happiness and so if i cant have mine, i cant feel yours, so its probably a bitter smile i show everyone at the end of the day.

there're alot of things i want to tell you, but ima timid little kid and i dont dare, so its gonna be kept safe and it shant be let out until i feel brave enough.

hey, i didnt mean to make you so upset yeah, i dont know why you'd be crying inside, but im sorry if i made you feel that way. have fun with her, maybe i should just back off yeah. i'll learn to let go since i know its hard for you to.

whatever man i dont even know why i make such a special effort to ruin everyone's day and to kill myself. im just wasting my life trying to fit it into yours, so maybe lets stop. i dont want to make anyone else's life miserable, including mine. i hate feeling disappointed so often, im getting sick of it already. maybe a y=0 graph would be a better life for me as compared to a sine/cosine graph. (im getting too sick of the y<0) maybe my current graph should have another condition, where x≤16.2

i dont want to screw up anyone's life, i mean, if i do, i'd rather be screwed and disappear forever. i dont want to screw up your relationship with your good friends, i'd rather screw the relationship with my friends.

i know its supposed to end well with a hug, but maybe lets not hug, and it'll end differently, and since we're all dead in the long run, lets try a long term method, maybe everything will turn out differently from if we try the short term method. i dont know, but anything's worth a shot now. i dont want any more casualties on this battlefield.

i know you said that you'd rather lose anyone else, but i guess thats not the case eh. anything for the little kid, but nothing for the big kid.

argh whatever.

thanks jireh (: you're still the best (: blue earphones ftw :D thank you for giving me hope for about 5 mins and 5secs of happiness.

i like to sleep over sad sad matters and it'll be fine after that, but i slept and i woke up, and i still flood my bed. i dont want to lose anything, i've got too much and everything is too impt, but hey utilitarianism applies yo, if i lose everything to make the entire world happy, then i guess i gotta be that one sad soul to be sacrificed for the benefit of the whole world (: there. for the greater good. thats utilitarianism in simple words + an example for those who didnt pay attn during sec1 philo.

im only happy that i went to find sham after school(: yay sham im so glad you won (: the last set was awesome :D sorry i pangsehed dinner with you. another time yeah (: friday before meeting yo! yay. thanks sham (: i feel happy thinking about you :D

i dont deserve the 3 consecutive 105s that saved me so much time
i dont deserve the fantastic friends i've got
i dont deserve the life i live
i dont deserve anything.
thank You for grace (:


its so irritating, i just said i wont let it end, but then i think it just might. (but only if you say yes)