Im glad I went to church today. After such a long time, even though a felt like dying, I still did. Being in God's house just lets me feel much happier. Indeed I shall rely on God because His strength is the only one which is perfect. I know that I'm weak and I can't survive without the Lord but at the same time constantly reminding myself not to count on myself is a challenge in itself. HELP ME LORD, I CANT DO THIS ALONE.

A kid found a boulder buried in a sandpit and he wanted to remove it. He tried all ways, using his hands, his legs to push, but the boulder wouldn't budge. Finally after one try a sharp plane of the boulder cut his leg and he bled. Seeing how he failed miserably and even hurt himself, he went to his father who was observing his son in a shack nearby. 'daddy, I cannot move that big rock! I even hurt myself, and now my leg is bleeding.' The boy cried out in dispair. ''Did you try your best?'' the father questioned.
'I did! I did! I pushed as hard as I could but it just wouldn't move!'
''No, you didn't try your best.''
'I tried my very best, I pushed it really really hard!'
"No you didn't try your best, you didn't ask me."
So the father went out and with his strong arms lifted the boulder out of the sand pit. The father looked at his son and said, " Now you've tried your best."

Sometimes I'm just like that kid, thinking that doing our best is making use of our own strength, but in fact it is not. I have a far greater source of strength but why is it I don't try to make use of it? Instead I use my humanly strength to overcome my difficulties and in the process I hurt myself. I have no one else to blame but myself. Like that boy, I could have relied on the Lord but I didn't. I have to learn to trust the Lord, even when I dont see His plan, even when I cant trace His hand, I still must have faith.

HELP ME, DEAR LORD.